“I have never heard a baby cry like this.” This was my second thought about my new son. The first being, “He looks so big” and he was.
What an introduction he made into this world. He cried and did not stop crying all night.
I thought for sure it was my fault. I struggled with the idea of pregnancy at first. My emotions were a wreck. I cried, at the drop of a hat, until the fourth month of the pregnancy.
I wanted God to make everything right. Why did I have to act this way? Why couldn’t I just be right? Why did I have to be so messed up?
God brought me to the point, and it seemed like he asked, “Can you trust me, even if you never get better.” Could I trust God even if I was depressed and emotionally out of balance?
I have never felt so close to God as I felt as I began to trust Him not to fix me or my situation, but just to trust him for who he was.
My emotions eased over the next months as I trusted God, changed my eating habits and grew healthier physically and mentally as my waistline became nonexistence.
Back to the crying baby.
He calmed and began to sleep mid-morning. Just in time for his brothers and sister to visit. He seemed like a perfect little angel, in front of all his guests. This lasted for a while.
He had his days and nights mixed up, and he would let you know loudly he did not appreciate being moved.
When the doctor visited, I asked her to check and see if anything was wrong. Maybe the foot bands where to tight. She said he was fine.
The crying continued through the second night. I knew none of my other children had cried like this when they were babies. The sound was not right. It sounded like he was mad. Something was wrong!
A new doctor came the second day to check him out before we left the hospital, and she justified my thoughts. This big baby boy broke his collar bone during birth!
As soon as we knew, his mad crying practically stopped. Everyone held him different. Wrapped him tighter. We pinned his sleeve down and made our own version of a baby sling. This helped immensely.
The mad little boy became the happiest, most content baby I have ever known.
Thru all his early crying, God weaved love in my heart for this surprise child.
My baby boys first year of life started out desperate and turned into something amazingly beautiful. The year of a thousand laughs.
In trusting God alone, He worked out all the things I was trying to force and figure out. He wanted to help the whole time, but I was more interested in my way and being right.
What do you need to let go of fixing and just trust God?
Can you trust God for who He is, even if your problem never goes away? Even if you are never healed? Even if your situation never changes?
We have a mighty God, and he requires us to give up our way and look to Him. You might be surprised how he will work if you rest in Him and quit struggling on your own.