Trusting Christ has not come easy for me. I wanted God and wanted to be right, however, being a Christian felt more like something I had to do. Something for which I was responsible. I worked hard trying to be good enough.
On the surface, it was easy. I looked good. I did not do bad things. My visible sins, before people, were limited and not that bad. It was in my heart and mind that the battle raged.
I never felt good enough. I was trapped in the dullness of my own life, wrecked by my emotions, and carried away by what I wanted. “I can do better.” I would tell myself. “I can find a new book and then I will change what is wrong. I will not feel empty. I will not be such a mess.”
I was always looking toward tomorrow. Knowing that one day, I would get it all together. One day I will be right. One day I will not have to struggle at life, anymore. Surely, God will just fix everything and won’t leave me in this shape.
The tomorrow I was waiting for never came.
I could not blame Christ for what was wrong. So, I did the next best thing, it must be me. I must be fatally flawed. Something is just messed up in my life.
In one way, I was right. I was fatally flawed, and it went all the way back to the fall of man, in the Garden. On my own, I could not produce the change I desired. I could not be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, and the perfect Christian.
Even if I was partly right about being flawed, I was wrong in my approach to be right with God.
Here are two reasons I was wrong.
- I was no longer fatally flawed. I had been raised from my original state and had been made alive in Christ. I had been given life. I was a new creation.
- My desire was wrong. My desire was not after Christ or righteousness, it was after a skewed vision of what I thought was right.
All of my struggling was useless, because, it never was about me and how right and perfect I could become. It was about Christ and His righteousness pouring down into a broken soul.
Now, today I may not look different on the outside. If you have known me over the last ten years, you may not think I act any different. I am still the same person, most of the time I look and act the same. However, the battle that raged in my heart and mind is not the same.
Because, I resigned my role of the change maker in my life. I gave up trying to be right. I quit working and began to rest in Christ.
Christ is the change maker. It is in Him we obtain our righteousness. Our feeble attempts to be right will never produce true righteousness.
Are you willing to give up your desire to be right and only trust Christ and His Righteousness?
Question: When have you trusted Christ after a season of trying on your own? How did you feel? What happened? I look forward to hearing your story below in the comments section!